exalted_e: (all thought ends in death)
[personal profile] exalted_e
The adults around me have only taught me these things: to be silent, to manage stress, to calm rage, to not to trust adults, to not to rely on adults, to work on the background, that human memory is completely unreliable and therefore scary, that two people quarrelling are foolish, education of youth is important, eliminating irresponsible influences is important, nothing is certain, it's important to learn to not to be honest, even more important to be honest, kids have the rights that they make for themselves, good teachers make a difference, greed is silly and widespread, never bother with someone who strongly believes in a point, that I should learn everything if possible, what is asthma, fantasy is cool, film is cool, being naked is cool and to write a diary.
So, you know, no wonder I kinda lost the intention to grow up/don't consider myself an adult. Because that's a complete list. And because the least nice of them are the most true.
I really think that's also why I've always been such a career hungry workaholic (tried to get independent in as many senses as possible as soon as possible), like kid shows and games and through life wanted to be something important or criminal, where only one profession didn't fit into it, and that would be being a teacher.

Even though I was always oddly mature and had friends in oddly old crowds, I am sure I will never stop being a kid... Of course I'm all too weary, and not up to date, and degraded. Maybe more than I should be, being a high schooler and not a pensionist. Actually, I can't wait, I feel like it's too late; like I want to teach and marry now. But that doesn't stop me from sewing monster plushies, asking why can't I write on walls and inside, wanting to be a hero. The kids laugh at me when I'm playing around without embarrassment and when I'm being serious. The multi-diploma friends look down on my teenage-girl manneurisms. Go kishi can't follow me and littke siblings think I'm too grumpy.
And I don't care. I know things they don't know that I don't want to tell them about.
If a wasn't a "kid" - an old kid, I maybe wouldn't realise how fucking awesome to point beyond any imagination life is.
I think my logic and morality were nurtured to be contrary to what is around me.
And when you add those two together ...I'm epic. Besides dying, there's no thought more scary to me than being like them.

. . .

Chinamini, my ever favourites are Ao no Jidai, Kamen Rider OOO and Kagi no Kakatta Heya (in the tv show medium overall)! Though I haven't really seen these in years... Which is making writing OOO fanfic kinda hard. XD
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exalted_e: (Default)
Exalted E // Exalted

December 2016

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